Sashe 68

Tun kafin mu karasa inda yake na gane shi duk kuwa da juya bayansa da yayi yana kallon bango, light blue din wandonsa yayi staining da jini, a hankali na karasa na jawo kujerar kusa dashi na zauna. Da sauri ya juyo ya kalleni sai kuma ya dauki kofin gabansa ya shanye abinda yake ciki sannan yace a hankali "damn you Amir" ya janyo kwalbar da take gefensa ya sake cika kofinsa sannan yace ba tare da ya kalleni ba "what are you doing here, this is no place for a girl like you" nace "it is also no place for someone like you, dan kai nazo kuma na tabbatar ba zaka bari wani abu ya same ni ba" murmushi yayi me kama dana takaici sannan yace "what do you want?" Nace "first ina so in gaya maka cewa I love you, all of you, sannan na biyu ina so in gaya maka cewa wannan mutumin da yake zaune a gaba na yana shan alcohol is not sultan, it is what you think you are but it is not who you really are" yace "ta ya akayi kika sani? Kinfi ni sanin kaina ne? This is what I am, this is what I have always been" na girgiza kaina nace "no, ba haka bane, wannan shine abinda mutane suka saka ka mayar da kanka" ya danyi shiru sannan ya sake daga kofin gabansa yayi masa kurba daya yana yamutsa fuska. He looks calm, so peaceful, fuskarsa sam babu damuwa, muryarsa kuma a nutse yake magana. Sai da ya ajiye cup din sannan yace "kin san wani abu?, ranar da muka hadu dake na dauki alkawarin bazan taba barin kisan ina shan giya ba, ballantana har ki ganni ina sha" ya daga kafada yace "I was a fool, ban taba wishing for something na samu ba amma na saka ran cewa zan samu wannan wish din. Now here we are" na hadiye wani abu da ya tsaya min a makogwaro nace "wannan bai chanza komai ba a tsakanin mu, kamar yadda nake so abinda ya faru dazu kar ya kasance ya chanza wani abu a gurinka" ya juyo yana kallon cikin idona yace "idan da akwai wani abu da nake da tabbas dinsa a rayuwa shine I will love you, till my dying day. Amma nasan you are just another dream a gurina, and my dreams never come true" nace "wannan mafarkin zai tabbata Sultan, I will fight for us, amma ina bukatar kaima kayi fighting for us. Abinda zaka fara yanzu shine ka ajiye kwalbar hannunka, ka tashi muje a duba kafarka" bai ajiye dinba kuma bai tashin ba, har zan sake magana sai yace "me yasa baki gaya min zancen project dinki ba?" Na sunkuyar da kaina kasa na fara magana "lokacin da aka bani project din ban sanka ba, daga baya muka hadu dakai, ranar da ka fara kaini gidan su Amira muka biya ta wata unguwa har na samu labarin orphanages din da ka gina kuma kake running da kuma irin taimakon da kake wa marasa hali sai naga kafi fitting topic dina, a lokacin na fara rubutu na, I was already in love with you then, nayi tunanin yin rubutun akanka zai sa in kara fahimtar ka sosai, I never meant to hurt you. Ina ta so in gaya maka kullum but ina tsoron yadda zaka dauki abin. You are not an easy person, you easily lost your temper" ya dakatar dani yace "have I ever loose my temper with you?" Na girgiza kaina dan ko mugun kallo Sultan bai taba yi min ba. Na cigaba "tun ranar dinner din Hafsat da ka je Ya Habeeb ya gan mu tare yayi min warning kar ya sake gani na da kai, a lokacin nace masa 'u are not my type' saboda ni kaina a lokacin bansan zan so ka ba saboda a lokacin ban sanka ba. A England ma ya sake ganin mu a Oxford, he threatened me cewa zai gaya wa mommy kuma nasan in har ya gayawa mommy ba za'a barni in sake ganin ka ba. Na ce masa 'I was using you for my project' ne saboda in kara samar mana lokaci together" sai kuma na kasa ci gaba da maganar na rufe fuskata da hannuna ina hawaye sanin lokacin da na samar mana ya kare yau, dan maybe already mommy ta koma gida by now, maybe already sunyi magana da yaya Habeeb. Bai rarrashe ni ba sai ya sake kiran bartender ya karo masa wata kwalbar, yana ajiyewa na dauke na ture ta gefe nace "please Sultan me kake son yi ne? So kake ka kashe kanka?" Idanunsa sunyi jajur, amma abin mamaki banda jan idon babu wani abu da zai nuna maka cewa a buge yake, he seems totally in control of himself. Bai karba ba ya kara zama yace "rannan na miki alkawarin zan baki labarin yadda na far shan giya" ban amsa ba shima bai jira amsa ta ba ya cigaba da magana "ina da shekara goma kakana ya rasu, bayan an yi nadin sarauta babana, Hajiya da sauran siblings dina suka dawo palace, su kuma su yaya da sauran matan kakana sai akayi musu sababbin gini a bayan palace din suka koma can. Ina jin labarin tarewa a sabon waje na fara tattara kayana nima saboda nayi zaton dani za'a tafi, tunda dasu yaya na saba, ban saba da Hajiya da su Abbas ba. Amma ranar tarewa tana zuwa sai akace ban dani, wai Hajiya tace a barni saboda in saba da 'yan'uwana, nan na dasa rigima lallai ni ba zan zauna dasu ba. Sai da Yaya ta kirani ta zaunar dani tayi min bayanin cewa an ce in zauna ne saboda in saba da babana nima yake kula ni kamar yadda nake so, ina jin haka na fara murna nima zanyi family. Sai daga baya na fahimci ba haka bane, ba wai rashin sabo ne ya saka baya kulani ba a'a ni din ne baya so. Gaisuwata da safe baya amsawa, baya cin abinci dani kamar yadda yake ci da abbas, ko dariya yake dana zo gurin zai bata rai. A lokacin abinda ya fi komai bata min rai shine, kullum in zaije fada zai saka a shirya Abbas, a saka masa manyan kaya da rawani da alkyabba, su tafi tare, amma ni bai taba ko tunani zuwa dani ba. Kullum in aka dauki abbas aka barni sai na hargitsa gidan nan dan bacin rai, in farfasa glasses din windows da duk abinda tsaho na zai kai, next thing duka ne zai biyo baya, ko kuma a sakani a daki a kulle ni. In nayi buge2na na gaji sai in zauna in hada kai da gwuiwa inyi ta kuka, I am four years older than Abbas, ni a gani na ni ya kamata baban mu ya kai fada ba Abbas ba, duk sanda aka saka mishi kayan sai inyi ta sha'awa dan nawa wanda nake sakawa sanda kakana yana da rai ma duk Hajiya ta karbe ta bashi tace min sunyi min kadan za'a sayo min sababbi, har yau ba'a sayo min ba. Wata rana ina ta gursheken kukana Hajiya ta aiko akayi kirana dakinta, cikin bedroom dinta, ta tambaye ni tace in gaya mata me nake so, nace mata inaso babana ya soni kamar yadda yake son Abbas, tace min to zata bani maganin da zan ke sha wanda zai saka ya soni fiye da Abbas din ma. Ta dauko shi a kwanba ta zuba min a kofi tace in sha, na dauka da murna ta na shanye, babu dadi amma haka nasha saboda ina son Takawa ya soni, banji dadin taste din ba amma naji dadin feeling din da ya saka naji, zuciya ta naji tayi min dadi, babu bakin ciki ko bacin rai sam, sai wani nishadi da nake ji, I felt very calm and happy. Tun daga nan kullum sai ta aiko naje nasha, ni kuma ina jin dadin yadda nake ji in nasha din, daga baya ma sai ya zama ni nake zuwa da kaina in raina ya baci ince ta bani magani insha, tace min inyi mata alkawarin ba zan gayawa kowa ba ni kuma nayi mata. A hankali na fara zama less active, kullum sai bacci ko kuma in zauna inyi ta kallo ko tv game, wanda da ba halina bane cos I was very energetic child, Amir ne ya fara lura sai ya gayawa Hajiya yace akaini asibiti fa, bani da lafiya tace masa to amma yaga shiru ba'a kainin ba, hakan yasa ya shirya ya tafi gurin yaya ya gaya mata cewa bani da lafiya kuma anki kaini asibiti, babu shiri yaya ta taho cikin gida tazo ta tarar dani ina bacci, jikina babu zazzabi amma nayi weak babu karfin da ta sanni dashi da. Nan ta samu hajiya ta tambaye ta sai tace ai na samu kulawa ne da tarbiyya shi yasa na nutsu, ita kam yaya bata yadda ba saboda tasan yaro mai fitina daban yake da yaro quite, I was never quite and calm dan haka lokaci daya ba zan zama ba. Ta daukeni ta tafi dani gurinsu da sunan zanyi week end acan, kwana na daya na rikice musu suka rasa kaina, daga baya dai nace ni aje gurin Hajiya a karbo min magani na, nan yaya ta saka ni a gaba da tambayar wanne irin magani har dai na gaya mata. I was young then, ba zan iya tuna duk abubuwan da suka faru ba amma dai nasan an yi rigima sosai da yaya, ni dai rigima ta daya ce, a bani magani na. Hajiya ta daina bani, but I was already addicted to it. Ita kadai take calming dina down duk sanda nake tantrums dina. It still does. Duk sanda raina ya baci ita nake sha inji zuciya ta tayi sanyi. Ba abinda rannan kike cewa bane rannan, it doesn't make me do things, it calm me down and stop me from doing things. A lagos kuma su masu kula da mu su nake bribing su kawo min, wani lokacin ma da kansu suke bani saboda in nayi bacci shikenan sun huta da fitina ta. Sanda aka kaini America kuwa tamkar an bani ticket ne, hankali na kwance babu me cemin kar inyi. Sai da na shiga university sannan na fahimci tana hanani karatu, ni kuma a lokacin ina son karatu saboda in faranta ran babana. A lokacin na fara ragewa dan kaina, ya zama bana sha sai in na zama really frustrated yadda ba zan iya controlling anger dina ba. Bayan na hadi dake kuma I cut it down to zero, saboda in raina ya baci da munyi waya dake zan manta da bakin ciki na, I returned to it sanda muka rabu a America but tunda muka dawo ban kuma sha ba sai yau." yayi shiru yana kallon cup din hannunsa kamar mai studying dinsa.