Sashe 98
Dabiar Zuciya Part 1 Complete Hausa Novel · about 8 min read
Yadda jidda ke kuka tana roqon tayi haquri ya karyarmin da xuciya,ina qoqarin cewa ta barta,amma hafsa ta hada harda ni,haka nan tasa jidda ta tattara tabar gidan,ta gama kin bambamin fadan na zauna lusaranci,idan baiyi wasa ba zafa qwace rashid a hannuna,tayi ta gama ta fita.
Tunda jidda ta fita duka sai tausayinta ya kamani,na kasa nutsuwa,musamman idan na tuna cewa bata da kowa,to ina zataje?,itace tambayar data dinga damuna,na tsaya gaban madubi na dubi kaina,sai naji bana ji sam bana tsoron zama da jidda,banjin zata iya qwacemin rashid,duba da irin halaccin da na yiwa rayuwarta,halaccin da nakejin ya isa yasa jidda taji kunya da nauyin aikata min ba dai dai ba,uwa uba bata ko kama qafata wajen kyau da diri ba?,to meye zanji tsoro?,wannan tunanin ya sanyani fita neman inda jiddan tayi.
57
"Tun ba'ayi nisa ba aka sameta rakube gefan gidana zaune ita da kayanta,taci kuka ta godewa Allah,nasa aka shigo da ita ciki,kafin ma ta qaraso ta soma roqata na rufa mata asiri na barta ta zauna,nace kada ta damu,taci gaba da zama damu,saidai na kafa mata wasu qa'idoji tace zata kiyaye in sha Allah,a baya ma duk abinda ya faru nayi haquri,nata dauka zan zaci wani abu ba. Da wannan mukaci gaba da zama da jidda lafiya qalau,wanda bayan 'yan watanni saita nemi na barta ta koma zama a hostel,ta dinga zuwa gida weekends,ban musa ba na barta,saboda ina ganin nima hankalina sai yafi kwanciya da hakan,data koma din kuwa sai naji tsarin ya yimin,har zuwa sanda na sake yin bari na uku,a sannan naci wuya,su zuwaira da samir ke kira bibi wato baba,bai iya fada ba a sannan saboda yarinta,har ya soma wayo kuma ya bita a haka,su suke komai,saidai na fuskanc sam rashid baya ganin qoqarinsu,bashi da aiki sai mita,bini bini yace da jidda tana nan kaza za'ayi,na zauna tsaf naga babu ta inda suka gaza,duk abinda jidda keyi sunayin ma fiye da hakan,ina fama da ciwo saina tattarashi na watsar kawai shida mitarsa.
Ban tashi gane cewa komawar jidda hostel wani babban illa ta shirya yimin ba sai bayan wani lokaci da soyayya tayi nisa tsakaninta da rashid ba tare dana ankare ba,nayi kuka nayi kuka na godewa Allah randa na ganshi cikin school ya dauketa sun fita cikin shauqin soyayya,na dawo gida nasha kuka son raina,na zauna na yiwa kaina hisabi,na kuma binciki kaina tsafff...naga me na rasa?,me kuma na gaza dashi?,saboda gudun yanke masa hukunci kan kuskure,babu itace amsar dana lalubo,saboda ado da gayu da kuma tsafta dukka a wajena jidda ta koyeshi,kyau kuwa ko gefan takalmina nasan cewa jidda ba zata iya riqewa ba da suna karawa dani,iya kula da miji ta wannan fannin ni malama ce,mata da yawa na neman sani a wajena,wajen gyaran shimfidarmu kuwa.....sam bana yarda ma nayi amfani da kayan qasar nan,saina tantance masu kyau na qasarmu dana wasu qasashen da suke da qwarewa ta fannin.
Ganin na gagara gano dalilin.....saina azawa raina cewa,kawai dabi'ar maza ce,a haka kuma Alla ya haliccesu,komai kyanki ko iya gayunki idanunsa basa kasa gane masa wata da zai dinga jin ta fiki,jidda halal dinsa ce,saidai hanyar da suka bi tana da ciwo,yarinyar dana riqa kamar qanwata saboda kyautatawa?,to amma kuma.....babban abun mamakin ma shine,ta yaya har ta iya janye hankalin rashid?,tambayar dana kasa baiwa kaina amsa,na kuma kasa hutawa har sai dana samo amsarta,saboda ina tsoron kada ya zaman tana bin malaman tsubbu ne,na zauna ta cimmani,gwara nasan a wanne mataki nake?.
Jidda tayi amfani da zallar KISSA ce,wadda hausawa sukance TAFI MAGANI,ta shiga rayuwar rashid ne ta hanyar amfani da abinda yafiso duk duniya wato dansa samir,tayi amfani da duniyanci da gogewa,wadda bansan ina ta samota ba?,da ita na daukota na kawota gidana?,ko kuma.bayan shigarta makaranta ta hado harda karatunta?.
A lokacin nayita qoqarin shanyewa,ban nuna masa na gane komai a tsakaninsu ba,saidai deep inside ina karantarsa,ina karantar duk wani motsi nasa,saina fahimci wasu abubuwa da ban fahimta ba a baya,kamar yawan yin adonsu ranar juma'a,suyi anko shi da samir yace zaya kaishi gidan hafsa,ba zasu dawo ba sai magariba,wani lokaci nakan gansu tare da jidda,sai yace min suna tahowa suka gamu da ita ya qaraso da ita,to amma ban taba kawo komai a raina,saboda bana zarginsu shida ita.
Ranar data dawo gida duk qarshen sati kamar yadda takeyi itama ban nuna mata komai ba,saboda inason na gama karantarta,mamaki ya dinga cikani saboda yadda suke pretending wa junansu,saidai idan har kayi tsaiii da ranka zaka iya shinshino akwai wani abu a tsakaninsu,abun yayi masifar baqanta min rai,wato ni suka maida wawuya kenan tsahon lokaci?.
Lamarin kishi abune da ba kowacce mace ke iya cinyeshi ba,musamman kishi da irinsu jidda masu yaqar mace da takobin kissa,naso na danne amma sai naketa ganin canje canje,kaf hankalin rashid yana kanta,lokaci daya ta canzashi kamar asiri,shine tashi cikin dare yaje falo suyi waya,shine fitar yammaci ko dare,shine zaman charting shi daya baya so kowa ya rabeshi.
Ranar dana kasa jurewa.....randa ya tashi tsakar dare,ya shiga toilet yana waya,ga zatonsa bacci nakeyi,na tashi na zauna na jirayi fitowarsa har kimanin awa daya,yana ganina mamaki da 'yar razana ta nuna kan fuskarsa,amma da yake namiji ne saiya fuske,yana tambayata ya tsaremin bandaki ko?,shiga zanyi?,kaina girgiza masa
"Jira nake ka gama wayan da jiddan,inason yin magana da kai" sosia fuskanshi ya nuna shock,sai ya zauna jikinsa a sanyaye,cikin nutsuwa na fara masa maganar mamakin da ya bani kan boyemin da cij amanata da suke shirin yi da jiddan,na fitittike masa,ya tabbatar min soyayya suke da jidda,kuma aurenta yakeson yi,abinda yasa ranar bamuyi kwanan dadi ba,don ya bani mamaki,abun kuma ya dagamin hankali duk da na sani,amma tabbacin da na samu daga bakinsa ya sake sani cikin qunci da baqinciki.
Wasa wasa zamanmu ya hargitse,rigima har wajensu yadikko,hafsa ta shiga ta fita yadikko ma tace bata yarda da auren ba,saidai idan har ni na amince,abinda yasa rashid ya tattare ya dawo min,ya dinga roqona na barshi ya auri jiddan,da farko na kafe,amma bayan na dauki wayarsa rannan naga irin saqonnin da jidda ke tura masa,na tabbatar da cewa koda su yadikko sun tsaya min auren bai yiwu ba bani da wani sauran kwanciyan hankali a gidan,don haka na zubda makamaina nace masa na amince.
Aranar naga zumudi da farinciki da soyayyar da zan iya cewa rabona da ita tun lokacin da muke zaman lafiya lumana ni da shi,hawaye ne kawai ya dinga sauka a idona,tun a sannan nasan cewa tawa jarrabar kenan,don haka na duqufa da addu'a,ina gayawa ubangiji na. Tabbas naga tasirin addu'a,saboda sai Allah ya ragemin damuwa sosai cikin raina,duk yadda na zaci abun sai ubangiji ua huwace min shi,har ya zaman Hafsa ta fini shiga damuwa da tashin hankali,daga qarshe ma take ganin nice na daurewa rashid baya,tsanar data yiwa jidda ta ninku. Tun daga lokacin jidda gaba daya ta daina dawowa gida na weekend,banace ga a inda take ba,amma dai tabar dawomin. Ba'a dauki wani dogon lokaci ba rashid ya hada lefe,wanda ya kusa fin nawa ma,saboda a sannan ya fara siyasa,wadda ta karbeshi sosai,saidai ta sake taka rawar gani wajen canza masa halaye da dabi'u,bamu da rashin ci ko sha ko suttura,hakanan bana rasa kudi a hannuna,amma abubuwa da yawa sun canza.
A lokacinne hafsa ta dire tace sam batasan zance ba,yadda ya yiwa jidda kaya haka zaimin,bai musa ba,saboda ganin bana ce masa ko uffan kan dukka lamuransa,na kawo idanu na zuba masa. Abubuwa da yawa sun faru,akayi biki kai kace lokacinne zaiyi auren fari,saboda irin abubuwan da yakeyi,hafsa kamar zata zauce saboda baqin ciki,tace ita bata yarda ba,ba shakka jidda asiri tayiwa rashid,ni kuma nasan ba asiri bane,kirsa ce ta gwanaye,mummunar kissa da warwareta sai Allah da malaman gari.
Fadin ma irin amarcin da akayi da rayuwar dana fuskanta bayan aurensu da jidda bata baki ne,saidai na tattarashi gaba daya na sallamashi,saboda komai nayi bana burgeshi,hankalinsa gaba daya baya kaina,wani abun ma idan yayi sai inga kamar wanda aka yiwa dole yake zaune da ni.
Ta fannin dangi da 'yan uwa kuwa,dai daikune basa yi da jidda,duk da cewa bawai sun juyamin baya bane,nima ban canza dukkan halayyata da mu'amalata dasu ba,haka nan ban fasa yi musu alkhairin da aka sanni dashi ba,amma suna matuqar sonta dayi da ita.
Tafi tafi rayuwa ta dinga garawa,na zama tamkar nice asalin 'yar aikin jidda,cikin ruwan sanyi da wani salo na kissa me kama da siddabaru ta qwace komai daga wajena,gidana mijina d'ana,kowa cewa yake jidda kamar kece kika haifi samir?,shi kansa yaron akwai shaquwa me girma tsakaninsu,saboda yadda take shagwabashi,saidai wani lokaci abun yana min ciwo,don abubuwa da yawa daya kamata ace ta kwaba masa bata kwaba masan,ina tsoron kada ya lalace,shi kuma mahaifinsa idanunsa ya rufe da soyayyar ta,baya ganin ba dai dai dinta ba,komai tayi dai tayi.
A sannu a sannu jidda ta fara fiddomin da muna nan halayenta muraran a fili,bayan ta tabbatar da cewa ta qwace komai ya koma hannunta,saidai fa a bayan idanun kowa,daga ni sai ita kadai take gwadamin wanna fuskar.
Ni kadai ni da mata irina ke kadai zasu fahimci irin jahannamar da nake ciki,don kowa yabonta yake,kowa cewa yake na dace da abokiyar zama,jidda batayi butulci irin na sauran mata ba,batayi butulcin da aka zatar mata zatayi ba,da yawa kan tambayeni....me yasa nake rama?,bayan ban rasa komai ba?,wasu kawai saidai na bisu da murmushi,saboda duk yadda naso yi musu bayani ba zasu gane ba,ba zasu taba fahimta ba,ba zasu gane quncin da zuciyata take ciki ba.
Cikin wannan yanayin rayuwa ta dinga tafiya damu,yau fari gobe tsumma,tuni jidda tayi aminai,masu bata shawara,cikinsu babu kamar hajiya shuwa,wadda na jima da sanin cewa hatsabibiya ce,kusan da gudunmawarta komai yake sake wanzuwa yake dada tabarbarewa cikin gidan,itama yarinyar macace,kusan sa'ar jiddan,saidai a sannan ita yaronta guda daya fawwaz. A haka a irin wannan rayuwar har ta haifi najwa,tsirar shekaru uku ta sake haifan jawahir,a hakan nake haquri nake zaune,ina duba abubuwa masu yawa,ina duba cewa komai yayi farko zaiyi qarshe,ashe qaddarar tawa me tsaho ce,ashe banyi komai ba cikin tafiyar qaddarata......
Tunda jidda ta fita duka sai tausayinta ya kamani,na kasa nutsuwa,musamman idan na tuna cewa bata da kowa,to ina zataje?,itace tambayar data dinga damuna,na tsaya gaban madubi na dubi kaina,sai naji bana ji sam bana tsoron zama da jidda,banjin zata iya qwacemin rashid,duba da irin halaccin da na yiwa rayuwarta,halaccin da nakejin ya isa yasa jidda taji kunya da nauyin aikata min ba dai dai ba,uwa uba bata ko kama qafata wajen kyau da diri ba?,to meye zanji tsoro?,wannan tunanin ya sanyani fita neman inda jiddan tayi.
57
"Tun ba'ayi nisa ba aka sameta rakube gefan gidana zaune ita da kayanta,taci kuka ta godewa Allah,nasa aka shigo da ita ciki,kafin ma ta qaraso ta soma roqata na rufa mata asiri na barta ta zauna,nace kada ta damu,taci gaba da zama damu,saidai na kafa mata wasu qa'idoji tace zata kiyaye in sha Allah,a baya ma duk abinda ya faru nayi haquri,nata dauka zan zaci wani abu ba. Da wannan mukaci gaba da zama da jidda lafiya qalau,wanda bayan 'yan watanni saita nemi na barta ta koma zama a hostel,ta dinga zuwa gida weekends,ban musa ba na barta,saboda ina ganin nima hankalina sai yafi kwanciya da hakan,data koma din kuwa sai naji tsarin ya yimin,har zuwa sanda na sake yin bari na uku,a sannan naci wuya,su zuwaira da samir ke kira bibi wato baba,bai iya fada ba a sannan saboda yarinta,har ya soma wayo kuma ya bita a haka,su suke komai,saidai na fuskanc sam rashid baya ganin qoqarinsu,bashi da aiki sai mita,bini bini yace da jidda tana nan kaza za'ayi,na zauna tsaf naga babu ta inda suka gaza,duk abinda jidda keyi sunayin ma fiye da hakan,ina fama da ciwo saina tattarashi na watsar kawai shida mitarsa.
Ban tashi gane cewa komawar jidda hostel wani babban illa ta shirya yimin ba sai bayan wani lokaci da soyayya tayi nisa tsakaninta da rashid ba tare dana ankare ba,nayi kuka nayi kuka na godewa Allah randa na ganshi cikin school ya dauketa sun fita cikin shauqin soyayya,na dawo gida nasha kuka son raina,na zauna na yiwa kaina hisabi,na kuma binciki kaina tsafff...naga me na rasa?,me kuma na gaza dashi?,saboda gudun yanke masa hukunci kan kuskure,babu itace amsar dana lalubo,saboda ado da gayu da kuma tsafta dukka a wajena jidda ta koyeshi,kyau kuwa ko gefan takalmina nasan cewa jidda ba zata iya riqewa ba da suna karawa dani,iya kula da miji ta wannan fannin ni malama ce,mata da yawa na neman sani a wajena,wajen gyaran shimfidarmu kuwa.....sam bana yarda ma nayi amfani da kayan qasar nan,saina tantance masu kyau na qasarmu dana wasu qasashen da suke da qwarewa ta fannin.
Ganin na gagara gano dalilin.....saina azawa raina cewa,kawai dabi'ar maza ce,a haka kuma Alla ya haliccesu,komai kyanki ko iya gayunki idanunsa basa kasa gane masa wata da zai dinga jin ta fiki,jidda halal dinsa ce,saidai hanyar da suka bi tana da ciwo,yarinyar dana riqa kamar qanwata saboda kyautatawa?,to amma kuma.....babban abun mamakin ma shine,ta yaya har ta iya janye hankalin rashid?,tambayar dana kasa baiwa kaina amsa,na kuma kasa hutawa har sai dana samo amsarta,saboda ina tsoron kada ya zaman tana bin malaman tsubbu ne,na zauna ta cimmani,gwara nasan a wanne mataki nake?.
Jidda tayi amfani da zallar KISSA ce,wadda hausawa sukance TAFI MAGANI,ta shiga rayuwar rashid ne ta hanyar amfani da abinda yafiso duk duniya wato dansa samir,tayi amfani da duniyanci da gogewa,wadda bansan ina ta samota ba?,da ita na daukota na kawota gidana?,ko kuma.bayan shigarta makaranta ta hado harda karatunta?.
A lokacin nayita qoqarin shanyewa,ban nuna masa na gane komai a tsakaninsu ba,saidai deep inside ina karantarsa,ina karantar duk wani motsi nasa,saina fahimci wasu abubuwa da ban fahimta ba a baya,kamar yawan yin adonsu ranar juma'a,suyi anko shi da samir yace zaya kaishi gidan hafsa,ba zasu dawo ba sai magariba,wani lokaci nakan gansu tare da jidda,sai yace min suna tahowa suka gamu da ita ya qaraso da ita,to amma ban taba kawo komai a raina,saboda bana zarginsu shida ita.
Ranar data dawo gida duk qarshen sati kamar yadda takeyi itama ban nuna mata komai ba,saboda inason na gama karantarta,mamaki ya dinga cikani saboda yadda suke pretending wa junansu,saidai idan har kayi tsaiii da ranka zaka iya shinshino akwai wani abu a tsakaninsu,abun yayi masifar baqanta min rai,wato ni suka maida wawuya kenan tsahon lokaci?.
Lamarin kishi abune da ba kowacce mace ke iya cinyeshi ba,musamman kishi da irinsu jidda masu yaqar mace da takobin kissa,naso na danne amma sai naketa ganin canje canje,kaf hankalin rashid yana kanta,lokaci daya ta canzashi kamar asiri,shine tashi cikin dare yaje falo suyi waya,shine fitar yammaci ko dare,shine zaman charting shi daya baya so kowa ya rabeshi.
Ranar dana kasa jurewa.....randa ya tashi tsakar dare,ya shiga toilet yana waya,ga zatonsa bacci nakeyi,na tashi na zauna na jirayi fitowarsa har kimanin awa daya,yana ganina mamaki da 'yar razana ta nuna kan fuskarsa,amma da yake namiji ne saiya fuske,yana tambayata ya tsaremin bandaki ko?,shiga zanyi?,kaina girgiza masa
"Jira nake ka gama wayan da jiddan,inason yin magana da kai" sosia fuskanshi ya nuna shock,sai ya zauna jikinsa a sanyaye,cikin nutsuwa na fara masa maganar mamakin da ya bani kan boyemin da cij amanata da suke shirin yi da jiddan,na fitittike masa,ya tabbatar min soyayya suke da jidda,kuma aurenta yakeson yi,abinda yasa ranar bamuyi kwanan dadi ba,don ya bani mamaki,abun kuma ya dagamin hankali duk da na sani,amma tabbacin da na samu daga bakinsa ya sake sani cikin qunci da baqinciki.
Wasa wasa zamanmu ya hargitse,rigima har wajensu yadikko,hafsa ta shiga ta fita yadikko ma tace bata yarda da auren ba,saidai idan har ni na amince,abinda yasa rashid ya tattare ya dawo min,ya dinga roqona na barshi ya auri jiddan,da farko na kafe,amma bayan na dauki wayarsa rannan naga irin saqonnin da jidda ke tura masa,na tabbatar da cewa koda su yadikko sun tsaya min auren bai yiwu ba bani da wani sauran kwanciyan hankali a gidan,don haka na zubda makamaina nace masa na amince.
Aranar naga zumudi da farinciki da soyayyar da zan iya cewa rabona da ita tun lokacin da muke zaman lafiya lumana ni da shi,hawaye ne kawai ya dinga sauka a idona,tun a sannan nasan cewa tawa jarrabar kenan,don haka na duqufa da addu'a,ina gayawa ubangiji na. Tabbas naga tasirin addu'a,saboda sai Allah ya ragemin damuwa sosai cikin raina,duk yadda na zaci abun sai ubangiji ua huwace min shi,har ya zaman Hafsa ta fini shiga damuwa da tashin hankali,daga qarshe ma take ganin nice na daurewa rashid baya,tsanar data yiwa jidda ta ninku. Tun daga lokacin jidda gaba daya ta daina dawowa gida na weekend,banace ga a inda take ba,amma dai tabar dawomin. Ba'a dauki wani dogon lokaci ba rashid ya hada lefe,wanda ya kusa fin nawa ma,saboda a sannan ya fara siyasa,wadda ta karbeshi sosai,saidai ta sake taka rawar gani wajen canza masa halaye da dabi'u,bamu da rashin ci ko sha ko suttura,hakanan bana rasa kudi a hannuna,amma abubuwa da yawa sun canza.
A lokacinne hafsa ta dire tace sam batasan zance ba,yadda ya yiwa jidda kaya haka zaimin,bai musa ba,saboda ganin bana ce masa ko uffan kan dukka lamuransa,na kawo idanu na zuba masa. Abubuwa da yawa sun faru,akayi biki kai kace lokacinne zaiyi auren fari,saboda irin abubuwan da yakeyi,hafsa kamar zata zauce saboda baqin ciki,tace ita bata yarda ba,ba shakka jidda asiri tayiwa rashid,ni kuma nasan ba asiri bane,kirsa ce ta gwanaye,mummunar kissa da warwareta sai Allah da malaman gari.
Fadin ma irin amarcin da akayi da rayuwar dana fuskanta bayan aurensu da jidda bata baki ne,saidai na tattarashi gaba daya na sallamashi,saboda komai nayi bana burgeshi,hankalinsa gaba daya baya kaina,wani abun ma idan yayi sai inga kamar wanda aka yiwa dole yake zaune da ni.
Ta fannin dangi da 'yan uwa kuwa,dai daikune basa yi da jidda,duk da cewa bawai sun juyamin baya bane,nima ban canza dukkan halayyata da mu'amalata dasu ba,haka nan ban fasa yi musu alkhairin da aka sanni dashi ba,amma suna matuqar sonta dayi da ita.
Tafi tafi rayuwa ta dinga garawa,na zama tamkar nice asalin 'yar aikin jidda,cikin ruwan sanyi da wani salo na kissa me kama da siddabaru ta qwace komai daga wajena,gidana mijina d'ana,kowa cewa yake jidda kamar kece kika haifi samir?,shi kansa yaron akwai shaquwa me girma tsakaninsu,saboda yadda take shagwabashi,saidai wani lokaci abun yana min ciwo,don abubuwa da yawa daya kamata ace ta kwaba masa bata kwaba masan,ina tsoron kada ya lalace,shi kuma mahaifinsa idanunsa ya rufe da soyayyar ta,baya ganin ba dai dai dinta ba,komai tayi dai tayi.
A sannu a sannu jidda ta fara fiddomin da muna nan halayenta muraran a fili,bayan ta tabbatar da cewa ta qwace komai ya koma hannunta,saidai fa a bayan idanun kowa,daga ni sai ita kadai take gwadamin wanna fuskar.
Ni kadai ni da mata irina ke kadai zasu fahimci irin jahannamar da nake ciki,don kowa yabonta yake,kowa cewa yake na dace da abokiyar zama,jidda batayi butulci irin na sauran mata ba,batayi butulcin da aka zatar mata zatayi ba,da yawa kan tambayeni....me yasa nake rama?,bayan ban rasa komai ba?,wasu kawai saidai na bisu da murmushi,saboda duk yadda naso yi musu bayani ba zasu gane ba,ba zasu taba fahimta ba,ba zasu gane quncin da zuciyata take ciki ba.
Cikin wannan yanayin rayuwa ta dinga tafiya damu,yau fari gobe tsumma,tuni jidda tayi aminai,masu bata shawara,cikinsu babu kamar hajiya shuwa,wadda na jima da sanin cewa hatsabibiya ce,kusan da gudunmawarta komai yake sake wanzuwa yake dada tabarbarewa cikin gidan,itama yarinyar macace,kusan sa'ar jiddan,saidai a sannan ita yaronta guda daya fawwaz. A haka a irin wannan rayuwar har ta haifi najwa,tsirar shekaru uku ta sake haifan jawahir,a hakan nake haquri nake zaune,ina duba abubuwa masu yawa,ina duba cewa komai yayi farko zaiyi qarshe,ashe qaddarar tawa me tsaho ce,ashe banyi komai ba cikin tafiyar qaddarata......